Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Being a little crazy!




Sometimes I think I am a little crazy. Most of you reading this will say "a little" who are you kidding. You are huge crazy. So I have been struggling with the thought that if I am a little crazy does that make me not loveable. But when I have tried to change my craziness in the past it seems to steal a little bit of me away. I found this thought on one of my favorite photographers blog.


"at what point in growing up do we learn to do things so halfheartedly? when do we forget to move, breathe and live with our whole body? when do we start practicing saying things we don't mean? when did we settle for being so much less powerful than we really are,,, for using such a small percentage of our natural potential? why? when? i'll tell you exactly when: when we start becoming conscious of the spit flying out of our mouth, and how it really is a ridiculous amount of spit, and o no, what will the people around me think of me now that they've seen all this spit, and will they take their love from me because of it???the fear of rejection is so strong, so deeply ingrained in us, that we imprison the best parts of us in a misguided attempt to keep them from harm. the greatest gift in the universe, traded for fear."


I do have a fear of what others might think of my oddities that somehow they will take their love from me and so I tend to be the one who backs off first. I want to live a life that I believe in myself -that I do not need others approval to let me know that what I do and say is not crazy. Alot of this has to do with my journey with photography and friendships. (I know that Daniel thinks I am crazy and he loves me anyway). I have needed approval with almost every shot I have taken. What is that? Where does that come from? It takes away from my joy. I need people to feel I am fabulous and funny or they will take their love away.


I want to learn to feel this--

"really? so what if johnny thinks you have too much spit, you're alive!!! alive, and no one can take that from you, no one can lessen the glory of that in any way. If something is worth doing, it is worth doing with everything you have. if it's not, then why are your spending precious moments of your life doing it?"

"

12 comments:

Memzy said...

I have recently been feeling this same way. I think it comes with again....we learn that acceptance from everyone for everything really isn't all it's cracked up to be. Thanks for that post. It is always a great reminder.

And as always, your pictures are gorgeous and an inspiration to me.

cathy said...

It's funny how we bust our butts for what we think we want, yet the bottom line is this: we want people to like us.
I love the quote.

heidi said...

this is such a great post.

it really is fun to just LET GO sometimes, so why not much more often!

thanks

Unknown said...

Jess are you kidding I love CRAZY!!! We always had so much fun together. I could just laugh and laugh with spit flying. It really was great.

It is sad that we think we need approval of others or need to be in that certain "circle" of friends to make us happy. Then you find out it's not at all what it's cracked up to be sometimes.

We should make ourselves happy by doing what we love and including our families in that is fun too. After all what you put out there comes back. ;)

You do a wonderful job taking photo's and I can just picture Daniel saying there "FABULOUS"!

Barb said...

Jessica, YOU wouldn't be YOU without all your oddities and quirks, and we ALL have our own! I love your post, your pictures and your friendship! Not that what I say should matter :)

Kristin said...

I remember you as crazy. That's why people are drawn to be around you. I always had so much fun around you because it seemed that you didn't care what other people thought. Keep up the craziness. We all need friends that are crazy.

Unknown said...

Hey Jess, The Name of Your blog should really tell you something about yourself. :)

"Organized Chaos": My Life, My Way!

I love it!!! I need to come up with a more catchy name for mine. :)

Kimberly Scott said...

if your crazy then what am i???

you know i love it all...the odd...the pictures...everything.
and i have always loved the crazy. (just so YOU know)

Kimberly Scott said...

oh and ps...it worked out with sky's boss:)

Anonymous said...

You know that saying about how real friends know of our faults and love us anyway? I hate that. I think, "but you could you even say you like me if that is what you think of me?" Don't ask me. I'm even more insecure that you, I think

GustoBones said...

No, you are not crazy. You are crazy hilarious and so fun to be around!! I have always envied how comfortable you are being yourself around others. I think I act pretty confident, but rarely feel it. I love that quote you found too. I think I need to let the spit fly out of my mouth a little more!!! :)

Katrina said...

If we're taking a vote, then I vote "yes-crazy"! But I think we all have our own brand of crazy. That is what makes you who you are and who would want to change that? You may be the weirdest friend I ever did have, but you're also one of the most fun, creative, and interesting ones too. How's that for a little approval? We all need some from time to time. Instead of trying to change who you are, maybe put yourself out there a little more. Don't be the first to back away for fear of rejection. Have a little more faith in your friends! We love you.